Failure

Before I started to write about it, out of curiosity I just googled “Failure”. Some of the people who know me closely would think I googled it just because I didn’t know its meaning. It says that it is lack of success or the omission of expected or required action. Which is true, I 100 percent agree to it. But is it really? May be literally but when it comes to associating the tag to an individual it means the very first step towards self- evaluation, the very first step towards gathering the lost within and the very first step towards success. I would say that failure is a part of success rather than lack of success.

Everyone has tasted failure in some or the other way. Everyone have their own goal. For example, some students may have a goal just to clear the exam and be contented and others are not contented with 99%. The important thing that defines you is how well you handle that failure. Scoring high in exams have never been what I used to look for. However, my mother used to encourage me to score good marks and be among the toppers. During school days, I used to look forward to the result’s day for each unit test or exam. Our school always used to have those results and parent teachers meeting on Saturday mornings. We used to get those starting lecture periods as off and that allowed us to be on the playground and play football. My elder sister used to tell me stories of successful people who used to be average at scoring but they did well in their lives. I used to be happy if I got good marks but that is not what I used to look for. So even if I was not able to score it wasn’t a failure for me. Failure for me at that time used to be not winning a prize in drawing contest, losing a sports game, not able to lead the troops due to lack of leadership skills. I used to work hard for winning these contests and sports competition.

I cleared my 10th grade with flying colors. It made my family happy, especially mom. I was also admitted to one of the best colleges in my city for the 11th and 12th grade. Everything was on right track. Not everything though, because I was very naïve and shy when it came to interacting with girls. So, I consider that as a failure too on my part as it was a sheer lack of confidence. During that time jobs in engineering had spiked up. Engineering was no more a degree it had become a fad. So, to follow the trend opting for vocational courses during 12th grade was an easy option. It helped to prepare for the entrance exams along with the board exams. That time also saw an increase in the awareness of engineering colleges among youths. Some of the passionate science lovers wanted to go for esteemed institutes like IITs and some just wanted to go for engineering. Also, the most important thing we Indians are good at is finding easy ways to make money. Getting a degree, working for an MNC and making money is no big a deal for us. That is the easiest way to secure your life financially. Making money through your passion involves a lot of hard work which pays off but no, we are lazy.

During my 11th and 12th grade I used to go coaching for my preparation of JEE and AIEEE exams. Most of the portion of the state board used to get covered in that. I was admitted to the AIEEE batch and I wanted to focus on that exam. During the coaching, we used to have exams and tests every week. Our progress, strength, and weakness were tracked using those test scores. I used to be good in Mathematics and Physics because I used to find it interesting. I spent most of the time studying and practicing applications of the concepts. Chemistry was boring and I never developed an interest in it. I always used to score low in chemistry. And this situation prevailed until the finals. I did work on chemistry but it was not enough. The D-day came, I wrote my exam for JEE and AIEEE. I was not satisfied by my answers; I was not confident. You get this feeling of screwing up sometimes, I got that after the exam. All the efforts that I had put in were in vain. I was not able to get in the highly ranked institutions. I was sad. My family was not happy. They did support me during that time. That was the only time I have cried after my exam. It felt bad. And this was the moment when I got the taste of failure. It was bitter.

My parents had promised me a motorbike if I get into a NIT or IIT. Instead of a promise, it was more of a motivation. After I had failed their promise, I was fine with whatever vehicle I was going to get. I never asked for anything after it. From childhood, I always dreamed of taking my mom to places on a motorbike. All those dreams were shattered. Negativity tried to creep in. The only thing that kept me going was myself.

I managed to get into an average engineering school, but that was not what I had dreamed of. I was embarrassed to step into the engineering college I was admitted in. I was broken from inside and nothing was good enough for me. But I knew that it was not an end of everything. There is life beyond that and maybe it will be beautiful. There was hope. I was always taught to keep fighting whatsoever. I knew efforts never go waste. Those concepts that I had learned during those 2 years are still helping me through. The most important thing of all is the realization of it. When I look back to it, I feel that my efforts were less somewhere. I did fall short of some more practice, some for clarity in the concepts. Because if you are not doing it, someone else is doing it for sure. We live in a very competitive world where everybody has similar aims.

Failure should never hold us back. It should be like oxygen to start the fire. The one thing I didn’t do was to speak it out. I urge people nowadays to speak what you feel about whatever is going wrong in life to someone you are comfortable with. They may not give you a solution but you may find it yourself. Football helped me through this situation too. Sports makes your mind fresh. It develops your fighting spirit and spits out the frustration. Just remember there is no shortcut to success. One last thing I would say is “Just believe in yourself and just fucking MAKE IT HAPPEN!!”

Peace.

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