“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”– Orson Welles
The next day I woke up to one of the busiest mornings. I even used my sisters’ fairness cream. Not that my sisters needed it. I did not iron my shirt because it was winter. So, a jacket on the top helps with it. It was one of those mornings you look forward to. I took my moped, with my shades put on, I drove it like a Super-motorbike to college. It could have made a typical Bollywood romantic film shot. It was the happy-high of the initial stages. It is like the first beer you have. Cheers!
Everything around you seems to be beautiful and mellow. You may as well start appreciating the beauty of a freaking atom! You feel good about the changes happening in your life. You start exploring more about your partner. At the same time, you start paying much more attention towards yourself. Your pocket money is now invested in buying deodorants and perfumes rather than in computer games. One of the pillars of a sound relationship is these small sacrifices. You attempt every single possible thing to impress your partner. As time passes by, you two get your favorite places to eat and meet. And in India, these places are kept the most secluded from families. At least during our time, it used to be like this, around 8 years ago. But I would suppose that our society is now open to relationships at a young age. There is an intimacy that is constantly developing. There is something magical, something heavenly, something special about the first kiss. You let them become a part of your memorable moments. Also, intimacy helps to strengthen the relationship to a great extent. But the most important ingredient in the love recipe is trust. It is like ‘Sriracha sauce’ of love, put it in and it will become better. Well, sometimes you might get into small fights and disagreements but they are cute. Yes! they are cute but, sometimes. These differences also help you know the person better. It also shapes your relationship in a certain way. A bewitching part of the relationship is that you open yourself to conversations and actions that were not comfortable to you before. There are this positive energy and good vibes around “unforced” relationship. Love can make you do wonderful things. You also try to overcome your ego. You fall in love with their imperfections like they don’t exist. Either of you is filling in for each other’s shortcomings. Well, I think this the time when you are two beer down! Love gets you like alcohol does. It gives you freedom of speech or rather, freedom of expression. You overcome your inhibitions. But, love can leave you in the same situations as alcohol would. So, drink responsibly.
You are under the influence of hormones. But be sure that you are not missing on other important things in life as well. It is okay to miss your lectures sometimes to spend some time together during the college hours. Anyway, you are not going to remember the lectures, so it is better to create some memories. But, you may notice that your grades may be under the influence of hormones as well. Please refer to the below real-life stats that I was a part of. The great depression between the 1st year’s grades and final semester is where you are in “Deep love”.
I don’t want to blame it on the relationship but it was more personal. I just didn’t study properly. But who cares about the grades anyway! Knowledge is more important. But I didn’t gain that either! So, the point is that you should try to control the things which can be controlled easily by being sensible. Do not get overthrown by the joy. Of course, there would be fights before the exams, because you didn’t wish ‘All the best’ to her. Not everyone is as lucky as I was. You will always have time to make it up to him or her. Set your priorities. And remember to reset your priorities after your exams.
Relationships are like roses. You have to nurture them. The flower looks so exquisite but, that beauty, that elegance is dependent on how it is grown. It depends on how you water the plant, fertilize it, cutting, where you grow it and many other factors. To put all this energy into growing it, you need to make sure that you are growing the right type of rose, the one you like. Because you don’t want to spend your time in something you do not like at all. It is the same with a relationship. You always know what you want in a person. The thing with love relationship is that you never know why you loved that person and why the other person loved you, maybe, it could be just that you are like the one they imagined. Nevertheless, you sow the seeds. You water it and wait for it to grow. You put your energy into it. The plant grows through different ups and downs in all sorts of weather. But it thrives, nourishes and flourish as a full-grown plant only because it was fed at the right time with the right amount of nutrition which resulted in strengthening the roots. The stronger the roots and foundation of love are, the greater the chances of it are to go through the ups and downs of a relationship. If the base of relationship is weak by itself, it is never going to be an everlasting one. Also, you cannot force the plant to grow. It takes its own time and its own pace. You can only hold the stem at certain spots to enjoy the aromatic smell of the rose because it has developed thorns as well. During the relationship as well you would find certain things, those are sensitive, that one of you won’t like. Try to respect those preferences by not touching them. Know where to stop. There is no bigger joy than enjoying the smile on your partner’s face. Don’t put the rose to grow in a certain way. Give it its space. Don’t tie it with a shackle to make sure it will stand upright or don’t worry about the climbers or the creeper that want to encroach it. If it’s leaning, let it lean. There are going to be insecurities that the rose plant may get hurt or the climbers may start growing on it. You may have experienced the same in relationships as well. These insecurities are good. But don’t let them overcome the fine line between the adorable insecurities and irritating, clingy partner. Possessiveness is endearing but over-possessiveness is demeaning. Talk about it, let them know about it. Most of the problems in this world can be solved by mere communication. On the other hand, have good listening habits as well. Hear them out, and come up with a solution that will work for both. Don’t forget about the other flowers in the garden of life. Don’t forget about your friends. They will make your garden look better. Seek their advice. You won’t get the best but you will know for yourself what you want to do. Just like you don’t want the rose to lose its petals and fade away, similarly keep the same spark alive in your relationship as well. But at the same time don’t force it. It causes even more damage.
Don’t engage yourself in a worthless relationship. It would just add a shitload of bullshit in your life. Just remember that not everyone is compatible with everyone, and you can sense it in the first few talks that you might have with that person. I came across one such quote which I would like to share and is one of my favorites which says “Unless its mad, passionate, extraordinary love, its waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn’t be one of them”.
I would never say that I was in a perfect relationship but it has been one of the happiest and evolving phases of my life. It developed me into a person that I am today. Good or bad? I am not sure. But I certainly like myself. It taught me things that I would have never known without it. It instilled values in me. I won’t hesitate to say that it made me a better person than I was before. After all, nothing is perfect in this world, and so, are our relationships. But in the constant attempts to achieve infinity, prevails the interests of betterment and the curiosity in humans.